Why is it that Black Women are always told to “humble themselves” when they exude the same confidence that other races or genders possess?
Let’s talk about it.
How many of you are guilty of diminishing yourself and your accomplishments all in the name of “modesty?”
Case and point: I cannot count the number of times I’ve seen a White man with only a brand page and logo call himself a business owner while a Black woman with a legally registered and active business will still refer to herself as an “aspiring entrepreneur.”
How funny is that?
The truth of the matter is, Black Women have become so accustomed to downplaying the significant roles we play because we don’t want to be offensive to anyone else.
And I am not excluded from this, Lord knows I’ve shared countless times about my feelings of inadequacy and my need for “humility” in the Policing of Black Women and Imposter Syndrome posts, and the TMP Journey Storytime on TMP TV, just to name a few.
Although Black Women are the prototype to so many different walks of life, our original essence is not appreciated and a lot of this stems from toxic societal stereotypes.
Women in general have been trained to be seen and not heard since the beginning of time, so there is a natural inclination to discredit any of our achievements.
Being a Black Woman in particular makes this notion even more intense, because we’re Black before anything else and Black people have very notably been silenced over the years (and still are).
I’ve said it before, and I will say again that Black Women are the most overlooked and undervalued specimen to walk this planet earth.
We always end up getting the short end of the stick and are expected to be appreciative of it.
Society wants us to rejoice if we’re even allowed in the room even if we’re residing in the corners.
We have to be 10x as smart, 10x as innovative and 10x as quiet.
We continue to be whiplashed with contradictory expectations and I am tired.
If I worked my ass off to acquire a high level of intelligence and produce innovative ideas, I’m going to boast about it just as anyone else would.
And you should, too.
So, I know you may be wondering how to deal with those who mislabel your confidence.
Well, sis, let me put you on game!
I can’t tell you how many times people, even some family and friends have called me cocky or conceited because of my confidence.
While it doesn’t hurt my feelings, it’s definitely an issue worth addressing.
First, let’s address the difference between confidence and conceitedness.
Confidence is synonymous with high self-esteem and independence, while conceitedness is synonymous with low self-esteem and dependence.
We’ve got to throw away the notion that you’ve got to have low self-esteem in order to be humble.
People will say this is not the case, but it’s really the true meaning behind their critiques.
At the end of the day, I can think I’m flyest thing around and have a huge heart for others at the same time because confidence is about security within MYSELF, conceitedness is about validation from other people.
Now that we’ve got that established, let’s explore the solutions for dealing with critiques of your confidence.
For one, don’t get in your feelings about what they have to say, it’s just a reflection of their own insecurities.
So, if someone says that you’re conceited, cocky or self-absorbed (I’ve been called all three and more), just simply let them know that if you were any of those things, you would actually care about the insult they just gave you because self-absorbed people need constant validation.
Or you could ask them these two questions:
“Do you think I’m a kindhearted person?”
“Do you think I feel like I’m better than other people?”
If they can say no to both of those questions, hit them with, “Then how am I conceited?”
Or you could do respond with one of my personal favorites:
“I spent too long being insecure and dimming my light to try to act like I don’t know I’m poppin’ just for the sake of fake modesty.”
Or something along those lines.
They may still have their shady views, but they won’t be able to make any legitimate comebacks, because deep down they’ll know you’re right.
I say all this to say, be loud with your self-love.
It’s taken a lot of us a long time and a lot of trials to get to this point.
Confidence is a requirement for true happiness, and while we may not all exude confidence in the same way, it’s essential to express it in some way, shape or form.
You know why?
Because society isn’t confident in us, so we’ve got to be our own Hype Man on our way to the top.
And that’s it, and that’s all.
Let me know what your thoughts on today’s topics in the comments below and on our social media pages!