Generational curses.
We all have them to some degree.
Whether it’s on a huge scale or a small one, generational curses have plagued our community since the beginning of time (thanks Adam and Eve).
But no more.
If you couldn’t already tell by now, we are living in an era of exposing.
Everything is coming out.
Sexual predators.
Racists.
Faulty “entrepreneurs”.
And while mentally draining, it’s a really beautiful thing to see, nonetheless.
So, in the spirit of exposing, or “cleansing” as I like to say, it’s time to address these generational curses.
Where to start?
Well first, let’s define it for those who are unaware.
Generational curses consist of negative patterns passed down throughout family history.
Molestaton.
Abuse.
Double standards.
Shoot, even avoiding the topic of generational curses in general is a generational curse!
It causes internalization.
But of course, we know this already, that’s not why you’re here.
You’re here because you want to know how to break the cycle.
Well allow me to share how I’m breaking mine.
Like most black families, my parents and grandparents were raised in the “Don’t ask questions, stay in a child’s place” or “Do as I say, not as I do” era.
I remember my paternal Grandmother (may she rest in peace) telling me that kids would get slapped in mouth for even looking adults in the face for too long back in the day, it was considered disrespectful.
And when it came to addressing negative feelings as a child?
Even now, we all have been told something along the lines of, “you’re a child, you’re too young to have nerves, be depressed, etc.”
Back to my storytime!
So, my family grew up deep within the church (as did I), and any former church kids know that internalizing runs deep there.
No one really talked about all the underlying issues that run rampant because you didn’t want to be dismissed, ignored, or even berated.
When I came along, I guess my parents wanted to incorporate a different method, so my siblings and I did grow up having more open conversations with our parents than the average kids.
There were still a lot of secrets, though.
But y’all know ya girl is inquisitive, though, as is a lot of younger millennials and gen z’s.
So, I started asking questions!
“Why do we never mention xyz?”
“What’s with that dynamic?”
“Why does blank get away with acting that way?”
And even though I got answers most of the time, I still experienced a lot of confusion because it seemed as though everyone just carried the, “that’s just the way it is” mentality when referencing the situations I questioned.
And this is why generational curses have continued to prosper.
It’s not necessarily because we don’t talk about what goes on, y’all know families have no issue with gossiping.
Generational curses run rampant because we just accept what goes on publicly to avoid confrontation while internalizing it privately.
Everybody knows about that uncle that touches the kids, but he’s still welcome and present at every family function because he’s “family.”
Everybody knows about that cousin that’s being abused, but we stay quiet because that’s only our cousin by marriage and it “ain’t our business.”
Everybody knows about that goody two-shoes niece that was shunned for having a child out of wedlock while her hoe brother is on baby #3 because he’s “just being a man.”
That’s just how it is, right?
Y’all want to know something?
That may just be how it is.
For them.
But that doesn’t have to be how it is for you.
You hold the power to walk away from anything that isn’t serving you.
No one wants to stand up against your uncle?
Stop showing up to the family functions.
No one wants to check their cousin that’s putting hands on you?
Divorce him, sis, his family was crazy anyway.
No one wants to let you move on from getting pregnant early on in life?
Stop letting them hold your baby they told you to abort.
That’s how you start breaking generational curses.
I’m fortunate enough to have a loving family that is supportive of me throughout this process, but I know that this is not the case most of the time.
Unfortunately, there isn’t always some life-changing breakthrough for your loved ones, many of them want to stay comfortable in their dysfunction.
Sometimes you may have to make the hard decision to distance yourself or just walk away altogether.
I’ve had to do that with some of my loved ones, and it’s really rough in the moment, but the peace that consumes me afterwards makes everything worth it.
So, start calling that stuff out, initiate those hard conversations, and if you see that there is no progressive follow up then you know how you need to move.
And if you’re not the most verbal type, start writing.
This blog is a prime example of me breaking generational curses.
No one in my family has ever been this open about their inner struggles (yet).
I still experience fear of stepping on their toes in my openness, but if there is one thing I’m learning, it’s that while I need to be respective of their privacy, I have to live in my full truth to free myself, even if they aren’t always painted in the best light.
I will continue to do so because I’m determined to start a new trend in my family of prioritizing inner peace over dysfunction.
And that’s just the way it is.
Let me know your thoughts on generational curses in the comments below and on our social media pages!
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I think every family has pattern that needs to be unwound and dealt with. This is actually something I have been thinking about with regards to my family.
Yes, that is so true!