This might just be my favorite installment of this series because my emotional intelligence truly soared in college.
Looking back on my experience, I can stand flatfooted and say that cultivating your emotional intelligence holds more weight than any book knowledge.
I only had the latter entering my collegiate journey but left with both.
Allow me to tell you how that came to be.
So, I’ve shared multiple times how successful I’ve been academically all throughout school.
Not to sound boastful, but there were few times where I had to overexert myself, most times things just came naturally.
This was a big reason why I didn’t experience much anxiety going into college.
I carried the expectation that my IQ would carry me through.
I had some emotional intelligence, sure. (S/o to my church upbringing)
But I didn’t even understand what that meant at the time, so I didn’t put much energy into growing that part of myself the way that I should have.
To be fair though, most 18-year-olds don’t think about stuff like that because they haven’t had to exercise the skill often.
But life sure has a way of humbling you.
Remember how I said last week that classes only take up about 20% of your time in college?
And the other 80%, the learning how to do life part, the discovering who you are part, that plays the bigger role in your collegiate experience, right?
Yea, this is where your emotional intelligence is crafted.
Man, that 80/20 rule did a huge switch up.
Let’s think about this.
In elementary, middle and high school, you’re there for roughly 7-8 hours a day, and you’re in classes for approximately, oh whadya know, 80% of the time.
Your academics hold more weight here.
Yes, extracurricular classes are encouraged, and make you stand out, but essentially everything boils down to test scores.
Well isn’t that something?!
No wonder most of us are socially awkward, we’ve been crafted to be that way!
So, quick recap: Girl is smart, Girl is kind, Girl is important, but Girl is emotionally deficient.
Moving right along!
So, how did Girl change that, you might ask?
Remember those extracurricular activities I talked about?
Yea, that was the beginning of a beautiful journey.
Emotional intelligence all boils down to people.
And what better way to learn people than to deal with people.
I went into college knowing there were many people who were different than me, but not wanting to be around them.
How foolish of me!
You will not be successful in anything only surrounding yourself around those that are likeminded.
I never learned as much as I did about life and people until I was around those who were significantly different.
They were the best teachers I had ever had.
Want to know the best lesson?
For all my Boujee Bosses entering the workforce, read this next sentence carefully.
People would rather teach someone they like a new skill then work with someone they don’t like who doesn’t need to be taught.
Let’s break this down.
No matter how professional the setting, we’re all still humans with emotions when it’s all said and done.
We want to be around people we like as much as we can.
Especially at work, it makes everything so much easier.
And I’m sure the many degreed and unemployed people (or the degreed who work underqualified jobs) can attest to what I’m saying, your education, your intellect is not a shoe in for your dream job.
Most jobs are awarded through networking.
Networking: making connections with people.
Connections.
You can’t make those if you can’t hold a decent conversation, or at the bare minimum, be pleasant of some sort.
Now I don’t want to sell pipe dreams, credentials are important, and some companies will choose the more “paper-qualified” over the likable.
However!
People are prone to be more patient with those who have better attitudes, those who know how to read and interact with people.
It’s way easier to teach someone email etiquette than it is to teach someone how to manage a corporate dinner, or how to handle customers.
In other words, the skillsets required to get a job done can be taught, a nice personality cannot.
So, the moral of the story here?
If you want to increase your emotional intelligence:
1. Get involved with extracurricular activities.
They teach you how to work with different people to work towards a common goal.
2. Be observant of your surroundings, think before you act.
You ever been in class with an arrogant know-it-all? Yea, most professors don’t like them either, despite popular belief. “A smart person knows what to say. A wise person knows whether or not to say it.”
3. Make a genuine effort to get to know those around you.
It’s all in the little things. People notice when you greet them as you pass by, when you ask how their kids are, when you’re on time. This is also a less intimidating way to start getting over social awkwardness, if you don’t want to dive into group activities just yet.
Most of the references I have received in the last four years haven’t been because of my intellect, it’s been because of my stopping by the staff’s office, or knowing when to shut up in class.
Emotional intelligence is not about what all you know, but how you use what you know.
You may not know how to use equations in Excel just yet, but your knowledge of data filing in Access and your willingness to learn will present you with more opportunities than you realize.
Your spirit, your demeanor, how you carry yourself, how you interact with people, they will get you in places that your intellect and skillset cannot.
You will be in positions you’re not even qualified for.
So, work on that first, and everything else will fall into place.
Let me know what you think of this installment of the Let’s Talk About College series in the comments below and on our social media pages!
Instagram: @themelaninperspectiveblog
Facebook: The Melanin Perspective