Let’s Talk About Friendships Series Part 3: Competition

Y’all knew it was coming.

We’ve assigned each of our friend’s purpose, we’ve let go of those who didn’t fit, now it’s time to address competition within your circle.

Towards the end of last week’s post, I mentioned how competitiveness can be a deal breaker in some friendships depending on how much it consumes the parties involved.

If you notice that every time you reach a milestone, or even partake in everyday life activities, and they always try to mimic the same thing while being snide about what you’ve already done, let it go.

This “friend” doesn’t have a mind of their own, for one, and for two they’re selfish for not knowing how to clap you’re your success.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you’re basic if you do the same thing someone else in your friend group does.

At the end of the day, most of us aren’t the first to do anything, and especially not the first to think of it.

There are so many different creative ways to spin one product, one service, one anything.

Look at makeup for example.

There are too many known brands to name, but they’re all getting their coins.

There is room for everyone.

So, if you genuinely feel inspired by a friend to enter the industry they’re already in, and want you make your own original mark in your own original way, go for it.

They wouldn’t be a real friend if they got offended or tried to stop you.

Selfishness can work both ways, sis.

Be aware of the difference between selfishness and motivation.

Now that we’ve addressed obsessive competitiveness, let’s move on to healthy competitiveness.

If you’ve followed along with this series, then hopefully you’ve begun the process of proper identification and cleansing.

Honestly, I was going to say that this can take a while because you may need time to work through everyone, but it shouldn’t.

Like I’ve said before if you have to question someone this much, or find yourself making excuses, then you already know deep down what time it is.

It can be intense and confrontational at time, but welcome to adulting.

Speak up.

The only reason I can see it taking a while is if your friend on trial is starting to make some changes.

Monitor closely, sis.

As an empath, I know how hard it is to be this cutthroat, especially if there’s history (ugh), but your life’s progression depends on it.

With that being said, I’m going to continue on as if you’ve already completed your deep cleanse!

So, you’ve got your circle, and they’re solid!

And you’ll know they’re solid because you’ll feel at home with them, you’ll feel the love, you’ll feel the support, you’ll feel the likeness.

Using myself as an example, I am a very focused, ambitious individual who’s obsessed with creating impactful environments.

Um hello?! Self-development Blogger over here!

Now extending the spotlight to those in my inner circle, they aren’t all bloggers.

Actually, none of them are bloggers.

Not yet, anyway.

But they are focused.

They are driven.

They are impactful.

And they inspire me, they help me, they clap for me, they are there for me.

I literally feel the alignment in my circle for the first time in my life.

We are able to have conversations about our goals, both individualized and shared.

My best friend of over 15 years, Shy-kyra and I are both strong writers.

It’s why I had her write a portion of the first installment in my first series, Let’s Talk About Sex. (https://themelaninperspective.com/2019/09/10/the-effects-of-sex/)

I’m not sure if she’ll ever start a blog, but one thing we both want to do is write at least one book.

Shy’s been writing poetry and fictional books for years.

I used to do that, in like elementary and middle school during writing time, and I was good at it, but this is where Shy dominates.

She also has never stopped writing them, meanwhile I stopped and started in a completely different lane.

She’s out here saving the world being a nurse and I’m out here finishing school and building this brand, but we will both publish our books.

She’ll dominate the fictional world, maybe even get her Tupac on with a book of poetry, or even a nonfiction book on sexology (OG’s recognize this reference).

I’ll make waves by sharing my Grandmother’s legacy through her biography that she asked me to complete, and with my self-development book, whatever that may encompass.

And they’ll all be best-sellers.

So, I have something to admit.

I’ve been telling a bit of a fib when referencing competition throughout this series.

In friendship, there is really no competition when it’s true and genuine.

Even if we were to release books at the same time in the same genre, the competition wouldn’t be amongst us as individuals, that’s purely a chart thing.

Because when one of us wins, we all win.

Sure, she could technically beat me out for the #1 spot on the best-seller list, but I wouldn’t feel like I lost.

I’d feel proud of her accomplishment because I’d how much it took for her to get there, and I’d feel motivated to work that much harder.

Even looking at our collegiate journeys, we both started college at the same time, but life happened for her, so she took a break, while I continued.

She started again almost two years ago, and now she’s actually graduated before me, passed the NCLEX, and is already working multiple jobs in her field.

I haven’t a clue what I’m going to do when I graduate in May.

I know what I want to do, but none of that has come to pass just yet.

Now if we looked at each other as competitors, she would have grown to resent me for my consistent traditional journey in school when she had to stop and I would resent her for stopping, starting again, and still achieving major career goals before I even stepped foot across the stage.

But we don’t.

In true friendship, competition is really motivation.

Throughout this entire journey, we’ve motivated each other.

We’ve studied together, cried together, celebrated together, all of that.

That’s what friendship is.

We’re all on our own journeys and there are times where your friends will pass you, just as there are times where you will pass them.

But what is for you is for you, so don’t get so sidetracked by what your friend is doing.

Clap for them and use their wins as motivation to stay focused.

Because there is room for all of us to win.

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