People-Pleaser Guilt

I want people to like me.

I mean, I really want people to like me.

I know I’m not alone in this.

Most of us share this exact sentiment, but only few will admit it.

I blame this new “nothing phases me” mentality that didn’t originate but has been further exploited by social media.

But that’s a whole other topic.

The truth of the matter is that all of us crave approval from others to some degree.

We’re humans, it’s literally in our DNA.

Now, before moving forward, I want to make something clear.

You are not weak for wanting people to like you.

Especially when the alternative doesn’t make you any stronger.

However!

The issue comes in when that desire for outward validation overrides your desire for inner peace.

Yup.

The sting is real.

I’m sorry if you clicked on this link expecting me to coddle you with comfort for allowing people to walk all over you.

But comfort doesn’t lead to growth, so let’s hash this thing out real quick.

People will do what you let them do.

If you’re always a yes-man, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that you’re also the bearer of everyone else’s troubles and/or needs.

So, please stop with the “woe is me” bullshit.

This is the point where I want to make something else clear, before y’all get in your feelings about how hard I’m coming at this.

Everything I’m stating here isn’t anything that hasn’t been said to me, as I was this exact same person I’m describing.

But not no more, sis, and Ima tell you how that came to be!

It’s very easy to drop people pleaser guilt, you only have to do one thing.

Say no.

This would be the time where I write the word “no” in multiple languages for petty emphasis but seeing how this word has the same meaning in most languages, it seems pretty pointless.

Anyway!

No is a very easy word, we can all say it, or text it, or sign it.

“But if saying no is such an easy task, why don’t more people do it?”

I’m so glad you asked, babe.

Saying no isn’t the hard part, it’s the event’s following thereafter that “complicate” the situation.

The real reason yes-men exist is because they’re afraid of being in bad graces of the people requesting their assistance.

Now let’s just stop right here.

You mean to tell me, that we’ve feared saying no because we don’t want people who need our help to be mad at us??

Nah, fam.

This ain’t the move.

Why are we so concerned with approval from those that need constant assistance?

We shouldn’t be!

These are the wrong people you need to be worried about being in good graces with.

And you want to know something else?

If they were really down for you as an individual, your answer to their requests would not influence how they treat or feel about you.

Yea, you heard right.

If someone’s making you feel guilty, or excluding you, or anything else of the sort, all because you said no, you need to distance yourself.

I don’t care who they are.

Because let me tell you something, 9/10 they would tell you no if the roles were reversed.

Don’t go breaking your back for people who wouldn’t lift a finger for you.

Furthermore, you also need to realize that in this life, not everyone is going to like you.

And there will be plenty of times when the people that do, get mad at you.

This applies to the people pleaser’s, too.

Y’all are doing all this work for nothing, because there will always be someone that doesn’t approve of you, no matter how many times you say yes.

That’s just the way it goes, and that’s okay.

So, yes, I do want people to like me.

But I don’t want them to like me more than I want to be able to sleep at night because I’m carrying all this weight that isn’t mine to carry.

I exercise the power of no on a daily basis, and if you can believe it, it’s gotten me way more yeses than I could’ve ever imagined.

Who could feel guilty about that?