It’s the most wonderful time of year, sis!
Holiday Season is upon us, and I am so excited about it!
This is mainly attributed to the fact that this semester has been hell on earth, and I am two seconds away from bashing my head into a wall, but it’s a celebratory period, nonetheless.
Along with giving thanks, celebrating the birth of Jesus, and bringing in a new decade (Seriously, where has the time gone?!), there is one common denominator amongst these events.
Family.
Whether your family is that of the traditional kind, or it’s more modernized group of friends, this is something that most of us cannot avoid during this time.
So, I’ve taken it upon myself to write this series in hopes of giving some relief during this festive, but possibly strenuous time.
I think one thing we can all agree on is that family knows how to work a nerve like no other.
All the cute shade, unsolicited comments, and intrusive questions that are oh so cringeworthy can weigh heavily on a person.
“Do you have a boyfriend? Why or Why not?”
“Don’t you think your standards are too high?”
“When are you going to settle down?”
“Why do you want to do that for a living anyway? Where’s the money in that?”
“Prove to me how smart you are.”
“You’ve gained a lot of weight.”
“You look too skinny, why are you not eating?”
“When are you gonna relax that head of yours? Why is it not done?”
Okay, that’s enough, I was having too much fun making that list.
You guys get the picture, though.
I will make sure to note that a lot of times these questions and remarks aren’t expressed with ill intent, and at times they may very well be necessary.
However.
There is a time and place for everything, and there is a way to properly communicate without crossing boundaries.
And then there’s just the fact that some stuff just isn’t their business.
Unfortunately, a lot of families don’t comprehend this concept.
Now before I proceed any further along, for my family reading this, before y’all hit me up talking mess, know I love everyone, first and foremost.
But y’all know good and well you’re nosy. (I am too, it’s apparently hereditary.)
So, take this humbly with a grain of salt.
Now that we got that out of the way, let’s move right along.
How is one supposed to end the year off in a positive frame of mind, when most of the topics of conversations have an underlying negative connotation?
Yes, I can acknowledge that most times they do mean well, but if it’s already a sore topic, these instances can do way more harm than good.
We are often reminded of all the areas we lack, and while candid reflections are necessary, they are inappropriate during times of celebration, especially when it’s unwarranted.
And what is the kicker is that these remarks usually come from those loved ones that have “glaring” issues themselves and/or have distant relationship with you.
No one wants to be told about themselves by someone who they don’t talk to on a consistent basis.
Fam, you didn’t even send me a birthday message on Facebook, who are you?
Where was your input when I was sharing my accolades and accomplishments?
Why must families, especially in the black community, focus more on the negative (seemingly) than the positive?
I just want to eat my pie, man, I’m not looking to give you a dissertation on my current relationship status.
Things were actually a little different for me this year, as I brought my boyfriend home on Thanksgiving for the first time ever.
He met some of my mother’s side of the family, and I was a little on edge just because my family’s filter equates to that of none.
I will say, though, that things went better than expected.
No one made any comments or did anything that was too outlandish (for the most part), so we’re progressing somewhat.
He still has yet to meet the bulk of them, which is a bulk of the crazy, so that’ll be fun.
But I’m trying to be positive, so I’m gonna focus on the progressive part!
I think a big part of the reason why the craziness has diminished is because I’ve stood flatfooted in my responses to previous unnecessary inquiries.
This has been a really hard practice to cultivate, but with a little help from my irritation, impatience, and my smart mouth, I’ve really got a good handle on things.
Someone questions my career aspirations?
I question their dating prospects.
Someone makes a comment about my weight gain?
I make a comment about their hairline.
This may not be the most morally applicable way of responding, but it works every time.
So, what have we learned today about dealing with family during the holidays, ladies and gentlemen?
If you want to go into the new year without pulling your beautiful natural hair out, serve your inquisitive relatives the same intrusive platters they serve you.
We are going into this new decade stress free!