Emotional Detachment Update: Learning how to be Vulnerable

It’s so funny how the triumphs and tragedies of life have the ability to shift one’s emotions within the blink of an eye.

I’ve experienced both within a 3-week time span, and the result has left me astounded.

About 3 weeks ago, I got a call that my paternal grandmother was hospitalized for a stroke, but that she would make a full recovery.

For some odd reason, I was expecting to hear worse news, so this came as a relief to me, and I went on about my week.

A few days later, however, I got another call that she’d had a second stroke, and that me and my brother should go back home to see her while she was still on the breathing machine.

We left that Tuesday night.

She passed that Friday, on her 66^th birthday.

All I could think about was the last phone call we had the previous Thursday, one day before she had her stroke.

She was fussing about me slowing down with all my activities and planning the meal she was going to cook for me when I came home.

She’d been through a lot in her life, way more then anyone I’ve ever known, and you’d think that would make her a bitter, closed off soul, but she was the exact opposite.

She was the most open, vulnerable person, and she made such an impact.

I never realized just how much until those days in the hospital, and the funeral following thereafter.

It got me to thinking about of course, how our time on earth is never promised, and two, how to be better at making an impact.

The word impact has been popping up consistently in my life for the past 2 years or so.

Whether it be books, podcasts, the people around me, I’ve been trying to figure out what that means for me.

And my grandmother’s passing was just the icing on the cake.

And as countless people came up to me, boasting about how she changed their lives, something became so clear to me.

Impact is not merely defined by how what you do for other people, but it is also how much of yourself you’re willing to share.

Of course, I don’t mean this in the extreme of burning yourself out, or allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, but it is just impossible to make true impact if you’re a vault 24/7.

Who wants to be open with someone who won’t be open with them? One-way communication makes the sole communicator feel like they are being judged, and therefore that line is cut off.

When I realized that me being vulnerable wasn’t just about me and my growth, but the potential growth of others as well, suddenly being more open didn’t seem as intimidating.

Now this may seem backwards, and not the “ideal” way of emotional breakthroughs, but for someone like me who puts others first a majority of the time, it finally made sense.

And once I began putting this into practice, being open stopped being just about making impact, and also started becoming about self-cleansing.

So, regardless of the order, things came around full circle.

I’d say that’s a win-win.

Remember how weird I was about saying “I love you”?

I make it a point to say it at least once a day now.

Remember how I said I used letters as a way of disclosing my core feelings because I sucked at verbal communication?

I’ve had at least THREE face-to-face conversations with family members disclosing things I’ve held in for years.

Remember how I talked about keeping my walls up for fear of being labeled overdramatic?

I met someone. And he doesn’t think I’m overdramatic. (At least not with serious stuff, I think we can all agree that I’m actually extra asf.)

This is where the triumphs part comes in.

It’s crazy how God will give you pieces to the best parts of your life, while you’re simultaneously experiencing the worst parts.

I guess that’s his way of showing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Because I have been having breakthrough after breakthrough, and even though my life isn’t any less chaotic then it was before, I have a peace that I’ve never felt.

It’s awesome.

Who knew that being vulnerable could lead to so much?

I know I have a long way to go, but I already feel so free, and I’m so grateful.

So, thanks Grandma, for still dropping gems posthumously, and thanks to that special person for allowing me to be my authentic self, flaws and all.

Let me know about your journey to emotional freedom in the comments below and on our social media pages! 

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