The idea that you can have sex with no feelings involved whatsoever is a myth.
A very dangerous myth that can cause elongated emotional trauma because of our refusal to be honest with ourselves.
Last week I briefly mentioned how the feels get involved and the impact it can have on women specifically.
But today we’re doing a deep dive, and it’s gone cover everybody.
So, for all the men who are ready to argue me down, this is for you, too.
Although the science of a sexual act in and of itself is physical, the actual process of what our bodies go through in these situations expand beyond that.
There has always been the very controversial debate that women are not emotionally equipped to handle a purely carnal relationship, while men are.
Some arguments include but are not limited to: “It’s a scientific fact that women are more emotional than men!” or “Women who agree to friends with benefits situations are just saying that because they think they can change a man’s mind.”
And honestly, to a degree, I agree with these statements.
It is a scientific fact that we are more emotional, and most times women do have the underlying goal of trying to change a hoe – I mean man.
We know this, and I’ll elaborate on my sister girls in a little bit, but right now, I feel obligated to shut down some ego-driven males.
Most men think that because they don’t feel bad after a detached sexual encounter, or a situationship gone sour, that they are emotionless when it comes to sex; a strength in their eyes. I see something else.
Now, I’m not even going to pretend that I know what it’s like to be a man and what all that entails, but what I can say is that their actions reveal more than what they think.
So, let’s set a scene, shall we?
You’ve just finished a session, and you pull out. What’s the first thing that comes to mind?
That you want to do it again.
But wait, you’re no longer physically attached to that person, so that automatically negates the lone physicality factor, now doesn’t it?
And why do you go through so much; lying, stealing, manipulating, just to feel that high again?
Sounds pretty emotional to be purely carnal, in my opinion.
And why is it that you’re willing to use women to satisfy this need, at the expense of their own mental and emotional detriment, only to later denounce them because they “gave it up too soon”?
I’m just so confused at your stance because your view that every woman needs to have standards combats your need to get your peen wet on a consistent basis.
You want to have both, while actually having permission to degrade those who fulfill the latter.
Yes, they may make that choice to lay down with you, but often times you know what their intentions are, and you know yours. You know the alignment is off, but what’s more important?
Lol, just a thought.
And for my ladies, we too often know a man’s intentions.
Unlike us, they are very direct in action, showing us their views on the type of individual we are: independent, naïve, indecisive, damaged, etc.
If you hear the phrases “I just want to show you how much you mean to me”, “I’m not like these other guys, you shouldn’t make me pay for the mistakes of some other dude”, or my personal favorite midnight message, “I ain’t even on them vibes, you should just slide thru and come chill”, RUN.
Especially if it’s in response to your questioning his advances.
Sis, you know you ain’t built for that lifestyle, and you know you may not be ready to take that next step.
Do not rush ahead, thinking that you’re tripping, or that he’s gonna change later.
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE FUTURE: He isn’t.
Save yourself the heartache and the bill from your therapy session, girl, and be honest with yourself.
There is nothing weak or crazy about recognizing your vulnerable emotional state and waiting for proof of worthiness before letting him in your jewel box.
And while we’re talking about the worthiness factor, let’s talk about sexual assault.
Too many times unfortunate sexual traumas from the past have a negative effect on your current sexuality.
Low self-esteem, extreme vulgarity, and instability are just a few avenues in which these traumas shine through.
And although people have come up with countless excuses as to why sex should be taken lightly, the truth of the matter is this: if sex held no power, then sexual assault would mean nothing.
Why are these occurrences such a traumatic experience for the survivors?
It’s because you feel as if something has been taken from you.
What has been taken from you?
Your consent, your pleasure, your freedom.
I usually like to end these posts on a more positive and lighthearted note, but this is too big of an issue that will kill us if we don’t confront it.
Guys, these things are no joke, you never know what you are connecting yourself to when you lay down with someone.
And I know it’s hard to think clearly when you’re in the moment, and the hormones are raging, but try to ask yourself;
What are my intentions? What are their intentions? Do they align? Is this short moment of pleasure worth the possible consequences that could follow?
Things happen, and we all fall short sometimes, we’re human and it’s in our flesh.
But we must be careful, because we could end up creating a soul tie with an unequally yoked individual.
And that is a road that no one wants to go down.